Contemporary Clichés

Fiction by K.R. Martinak

Fat Dude Vs. Food, Week 4

Posted by Kyle Martinak on August 6, 2009

I haven’t been keeping up, but there’s a reason for slacking off on the posts…I was slacking off on the diet. But I’m not worried. I’ve lost a total of fifteen pounds! That means, more than a month ago, I was 300 pounds. Now I’m 285, and I’m ready to keep going until I hit 250. That’s my goal.

I’ve been keeping busy, running in between Hillsboro and Independence, and moving into my new room in my apartment. Also, I’ve tried to take up the harmonica. Activities, they help. I haven’t gotten the exercise I planned for, but I blame that on the crazy heat that wouldn’t leave me alone. I’ve been eating out too much. That should change, and soon. It’s also affecting my wallet, which is considerably lighter than back in June.

Anyhow, I hope anyone still reads this, and if so, thanks. I’ll see you all when I can, and I wish you well.

Right now, I’ve got some business to attend to that involves tacos, cats, and DVD shelves…Don’t ask.


Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

Fat Dude Vs. Food, Week 3

Posted by Kyle Martinak on July 17, 2009

It took me a few days to get around to this week’s post. To my half-dozen loyal readers, I apologize about that.

Some backsliding this week. I had fast food, and I had sweets. I did have less of them, however. I’m just getting tired of the usual foods. Variety is the spice of life, especially with foods.

I really miss Italian pastas and sauces. I also really miss soda. It’s my biggest vice, and I used to drink a whole lot of it.

On the exercise front, I walk when I feel like it, which is more than I used to. Chris Pranger visited the other night, and we walked a good distance. Made me feel better about the sandwich i ate.

Going to Hillsboro tonight, and I hope I can keep a lid on myself while I’m there. I also have to weigh myself while I’m there. I don’t own a scale, and I can’t go back to the pharmacy and use theirs.

Anyway, that’s what happened this week. I’ll be back to whine about being hungry next week.

My name is Kyle, and the whole time I wrote this, I wish I had some chicken chow mein.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »

Fat Dude Vs. Food, Week 2

Posted by Kyle Martinak on July 9, 2009

Here I am! I’m still doing my best, and it’s slow going.

I checked my weight for the first time since my plan. I’ve only lost five pounds, but at least I’m below the dreaded 300 mark. As a plus, my blood-pressure falls under a “normal for adults” heading, and I don’t feel too bad about it.

On a darker note, I lost my head the other night. I secreted off to the Circle K and grabbed a shit-ton of chocolate bars. I ate every one of them in one sitting. I felt like a real dumbass. I’m better today, but it was hard. I don’t know why I did it, but now I can say I’ve had an unplanned relapse.

The need for gratification is overwhelming. And my brother, God love him, can be a devil on my shoulder. I’ve found a way to deal with that, however. Tonight, we broke down and went to MacDonald’s for dinner. Adam had everything I ever wanted to die from eating: cheeseburger, fries, those tasty little snack-wraps, and a sugared beverage. I bought an overpriced salad, and drank water. As soon as I finish this post, we’re going to get something sweet. He’ll be getting something I crave…I’ll be getting something overpriced and sugar-free.

This is my life for now. And I have to say, I’m sick of it already. To make matters worse, I randomly read up on the military weight requirements today (don’t worry, I’m not qualified and I don’t want to sign up). I would have to be 176 pounds just to sign up. I’d need to lose a whole person’s weight just to go to basic and loose 40 pounds more.

Such is life, as my best buddy Chris would say. Welcome to the suck, as my brother has already said.

My name is Kyle, and the whole time I wrote this, I really wanted an Angus Three-Pounder with swiss cheese and mushrooms, from my estranged friend, Ronald.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »

Fat Dude Vs. Food, Week 1

Posted by Kyle Martinak on July 2, 2009

First off, thanks to those of you who left me comments. I get bummed when no one is reading my fiction, let alone my “fat diary,” as I’ve taken to calling it.

So, some updates:

About five seconds after I posted “The Plan,” Mother Nature took a shit on me. Some people love the 90 degree weather, and I don’t. I get a sunburn under a lightbulb, and I sweat while peeling an orange. But I tried to adhere to the plan despite it.

Rosely and I had our anniversary weekend, which was great. And I managed to eat a lot, and exercise a little bit. I know she’s reading this, and I’m sorry honey, but you bring out the scarfing pig in me. I’m working on it.

Once I got back, I dove into my plan head-on. I had a pretty hellish day where I didn’t eat anything until six or seven in the evening. That wasn’t planned, but it was stupid. Since then I’ve been trying to eat in the morning, and I like the results…I’m not as hungry in the afternoon. I’ve gone through a few pots of white rice, and today I’m switching to brown. Adam even helped me out by shopping for healthy stuff last night. He also let me have some of his pizza…but only two slices for dinner! Usually I eat half of the damn thing.

As for exercise, I’ve been walking to the video store a bit, and the other day I walked downtown to my favorite bookstore and back. It’s pretty far for a fatty like me. Several miles round-trip. Rosely fed me a big old lunch for our anniversary, but then we went for a vigorous walk down the beach in Cannon Beach. We also went for a swim in her apartment complex’s pool. I didn’t feel too bad about my gut being exposed, because the token supervising adult at the pool (he may have been a life guard, a maintenance guy, or a pool cleaner, or someone’s mentally challenged brother) was a pretty big guy. And he was spending an awful lot of time around the pool, with a shirt on.

Anyway, I’ve cheated, but I planned to. I found what makes me comfortable…I cheat with pizza, or eggs or something, but only in moderation, and certainly NO SUGAR. I haven’t had sugar since Monday. That may not sound like an accomplishment, but it is for a guy like me. Especially considering we have a bottle of chocolate syrup in the fridge. You’ll never know how many times I wanted to upend that bottle and drink that stuff straight. Okay, that sounded gross, but I’m being truthful.

So, now I have a whole new problem coming up: a holiday weekend. I can’t over-eat,even though it’s a family pastime. Oh well. We’re going to a Chinese buffet…there must be steamed rice and vegetables there…but there are also fried stuff! DUN DUN DUNNNN! Wish me luck, everybody!

Hello, my name is Kyle. And the whole time that I wrote this, I wish I was eating a whole box of Coco Puffs.

P.S. Thanks for all the tips, I’ve been trying them. And Sugar-Free pudding tastes great! I just can’t have more than one!

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 3 Comments »

Fat Dude Vs. Food – The Plan!

Posted by Kyle Martinak on June 23, 2009

Here I am, and I am so very, very fat. This is my new weekly blog, which I plan to collect at the end of the summer and call “BLOBblog,” after I’ve lost a few pounds.

Step #1: My name is Kyle, and I really wish I weighed less. I used to wish I looked good, now I’m beyond that. I just want to feel better. I am not gargantuan, or by any means in physical peril (I don’t think), but I wheeze when I go up and down stairs. I huff and puff like a tug boat when I bend over to tie a shoe. And I’m kind of scared. No medical condition, no self-loathing “I’m killing myself with food” nonsense…but I’m frightened that I wouldn’t survive without my precious chocolate and sausage everyday. I’m very much psychologically addicted to food, and that is why I’m calling this “Fat Dude Vs. Food.” My hunger, it isn’t a pet to be scolded…it’s a monster. I must guard this monster’s cage, and when he gets out, I must fight him back in. This is my quest.

Now that I got all that out, where do I start? Should I weigh myself, feel bad, do ten push-ups and call it a day (remembering to celebrate with a Big Mac and a barrell of Coca-Cola)? Naw. The fact is, I have no discipline. I can’t expect myself to gain military-like restraint and vigor. And programs don’t work. Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, and all the other trademarked products of our wanton society only serve to mock me and siphon cash from me.

What I need to do is formulate a plan or two…that’s what Brian Boitano would do. Sorry, I had to type it.

Step #2: Planning to eat less is easy, because I have no money for food. I have less than a thousand dollars to last until September. The problem is, I need to let my monster out for a snack every once in a while, particularly when it is planned out and/or a free meal. Therefore, I’ll have to do what die-hard dieters call “cheating.” I don’t think eating a plate of eggs and bacon is on par with adultery, or card-sharking, or any other form of cheating, so I will do it. Just not often.

I’ll be eating yogurt or fruit in the morning…after walking to the store to get it. This is a return to primitive man working for his food, and that comforts me. Also, it will give me an incentive to exercise daily…my hunger. Here, I’m harnessing my monster, and making him work for me…take that, man-boobs!

For lunch and dinner, I’ll have to count calories, and form habits. I know I can form eating habits…that’s what got me here in the first place. Now I just need some good habits. Salads, nothing fried, nothing fatty (except me). Drink sugar-free fluids only…diet soda, tea, or good old-fashioned water.

As for exercise, I refuse to over-exert myself. The reason I hate exercise is because everyone wants me to push myself right from the start. I say, as a fat person who possesses logic, that’s a bullshit plan. I should begin by just remembering to get off my ass and move daily. After that, we can talk about pushing boundaries.

Step #3: Okay. Here’s hoping I can do this. I know I joke constantly about being a fat guy, but I honestly hate it. I wish I fit into medium-sized clothes, and I wish I felt comfortable at the pool without a shirt. If I joke about my weight, let me. Jokes are my only defense when the monster takes over. They keep me in perspective. But now, after admitting my problem and acknowledging my fight with the monster (Step #1) and writing a battle plan for keeping him at bay (Step #2), I need your help. If you are reading this, I need your help. I need you to keep reading, every week. My updates will be short, and I will try to be amusing, but if I have an audience, I will have incentive to continue with THE PLAN. If I were in Alcoholics Anonymous, you would be my sponsors. The monster, while being an enemy, is my higher power. I can’t defeat him. I can only contain him. I must respect him.

If you will be my sponsor, leave your name…and wish me luck.

Hello, my name is Kyle. And the whole time I wrote this…I wish I had some pudding.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 4 Comments »

TV Show Depression: Why can’t a network commit?

Posted by Kyle Martinak on April 15, 2009

I’ve become so enthralled by the entertainment business, I’ve forgotten how cut-throat and despicable it is. These executives sit high up in their offices at Rockafeller Plaza, or in L.A., and they are the ones who make the hard decisions about which shows to cancel. Should they have that responsibility? Hell no!

I know damn well that those cats don’t even watch TV anymore. So they base their decisions off of the almighty Neilson Ratings system. Therefore, if Show A gets consistently decent ratings for two years, and Show B got terrible ratings for two years and terrific ratings for half of season three, these fools go with Show B.

Meanwhile, the people who watch the most TV (the ones that tune in EVERY WEEK for their favorite shows) are getting shafted and alienated. I like the occasional episode of “The Big Bang Theory,” but I NEED to watch “The Sarah Connor Chronicles” and “Chuck” every week. It just doesn’t make sense that these big-wigs cater to the casual viewer, rather than the religious viewer.

After all, in any business with a consistent service it costs ten times as much to sign a new client as it does to keep an old client (I learned that from “The Office”). So, why do these people (Who see TV purely as business) try every year to sign up millions of new clients, when they could just let a show have a second or third season, and keep millions of clients?

The problem, I think, is that they are trying to anticipate too much. For example, Fox cannot hold onto a prime-time science fiction/drama. They try these wild shows with odd, scary, or epic premises. They show courage in their choices; “Firefly” looked like it could become the new “Babylon V”, while “Dark Angel” was a really ballsy and profitable show. But, these pukes who run things looked at the ratings every week, and tracked them. “Firefly” didn’t last one season, and “Dark Angel” barely got two. Fox actually axed shows created by Joss “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” Whedon, and James “Terminator, Aliens, Titanic, need I go on…” Cameron.

And my point is, look at every sci-fi show that geeks love and watch religiously: “Star Trek” (three seasons), “Star Trek: The Next Generation” (seven seasons), “The X-Files” (nine seasons), the current  “Doctor Who” (four seasons), and even the new “Battlestar Galactica” (five seasons). These shows all got plenty of time to develope characters, plots, even mythologies.  These aren’t sitcoms, and there is no Joey or Kramer to keep the audience interested.

Also, I wish these chumps would learn to understand time-slots. On NBC, at least five or six shows have died in less than one season because they were aired at 10:00 pm, on Monday nights after “Heroes”. That’s five or six shows in three years. That’s fucking ridiculous. No one will watch those shows, not because they suck, but because their time-slot sucks. At 10:00 pm on Mondays, I’m thinking about how much Tuesday is going to suck, and I want to go to bed early. Fox can’t speak too loudly either; they have killed more shows with time-slots than anything. “Family Guy,” the show that Fox praises like a God, was canceled because no one watched…because no one knew when it was on. If I had known that it switched from Mondays to Wednesdays to Fridays, I would have kept watching. Ditto for “Arrested Development” and “Futurama.”

This rant is courtesy of Fox, TNT, and NBC, who are cancelling three of my shows after this season: “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles,” and “Trust Me,” and “Chuck.” Suck it, executives! I’m going to go watch old episodes of “MASH” and “Quantum Leap”!

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

Beware the walking dead…

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 28, 2008

I’ve noticed two things that I’m enamored with:

One, Zombie films, and two, using ellipses in my post titles….OH! And three, Rosely. Not in that order.

I just bought “Dawn of the Dead” the other night. The 1978 classic, not the 2004 remake, but I do respect the remake. I also watched some fifteen minutes of “Night of the Living Dead” online, meanwhile reading plot synopses of “Return of the Living Dead” and various copies.

If you’ve never seen any George A. Romero zombies in action, please do so. It’s a treasure to see classic archetypes battling classic shuffling corpses. Not only that, but there are great underlying themes to all of the films, including racism in middle America, mass-consumerism in America, and the timeless question of eradication of evil vs. understanding and rehabilitation of evil.

I kinda want to make a zombie film, just because that’s really a chapter in every writer/director’s life. And I’m going to be too old to do it pretty soon. The obvious problem is that I have no time to write a script or shoot the damn thing, and I would need to scare up (pardon the ham-fisted pun) an army of living dead, complete with makeup and costume.

It would get expensive, but I think I want to do it. Anyone interested in helping?

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 2 Comments »

I hate election years.

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 21, 2008

Oddly enough, there are three reasons why I WILL NOT VOTE. EVER.

1.) It is NOT MY CIVIC DUTY!!!! It has been referred to as my RIGHT to vote, not my obligation. If it was my duty to vote, wouldn’t I be arrested for not doing so? Well, show me handcuffs. Better yet, show me a gun pointed at my head, and then I will exercise this bullshit obligation. But at that point, doesn’t the whole idea fall apart, because is isn’t a free choice anymore? Exactly. I exercise my right to NOT vote, and then I exercise my right to speak freely when I think all politicians are douche-bags. If someone says, “If you don’t vote, you can’t complain,” well, that’s censorship, and that’s fascist bullshit. There, I made my one political statement.

2.) No one wants us to vote. But everyone wants us to vote for THEIR precious candidate. I had someone nearly bite my head off in class, because I wouldn’t vote. Then, she went on a long rant about how me not voting is a vote for McCain. Well, that’s odd logic. If I vote for no one, that’s a vote for…no one. Common sense. But the point is, she wasn’t pissed that I wasn’t voting…she was pissed that I wasn’t following my civic duty to vote for whoever she wanted me to vote for. Someone else said, “Kyle, if you don’t like McCain or Obama, at least find a candidate you do like in another party.” What sense does that make? I don’t like ANY politicians. None of them. And if I vote for Ralph Nader, that’s a REAL wasted vote, because I don’t believe in him and I know he won’t win.

3.)Most people tell me to pick the lesser of two evils and just shut up and vote. I say, fuck that. When the system has come to, “Who do I want, the asshole telling lies, or the asshole making terrible plans for a terrible future?” Then it’s time the system be abandoned. There is no lesser of two evils. Obama is a rich prick who just wants to be president, and will say anything to get the job. McCain is a rich prick who just wants to be president, and will say anything to get the job. And I’m supposed to pick the one I’d rather deal with for four years? What is this, the fucking Dating Game?

This all being said, I’m not voting. And if anyone has a problem with that, I’ll exercise my right to put my headphones on and drown out the sounds of millions of people shouting at the wind.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

It could happen to you…then what?

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 20, 2008

My card was declined. I couldn’t use an ATM, or even pay for an 89 cent soda. Nothing. I had no idea why, and I’m willing to admit that I panicked. For a split-second, I had become what George Orwell referred to as “an unperson.”

Last Friday, I had become a victim of Internet banking fraud. My checking account was cleaned out and over-drafted by $147. And the words floated across the stunned surface of my consciousness, “It could happen to you!”

After the initial shock, came the genuine anger. I shouted to my lounging cat, “I would pay every cent they took from me, if only I could find them!”

Anger lifted, and I realized two things. And if anyone can imagine it, I laughed. I chuckled and chortled and giggled like a schoolgirl (a truly frightening sight), and I revisited those fatalistic words: It could happen to you.

The first thing I realized was that i had nothing to fear or worry about. “It” had happened to me, and I was still perfectly fine. The second thing was how much money that had really been stolen from me: a miserable $30. For once, I was glad that I was a stereotypical broke college student.

I can laugh because I discovered the ordeal quickly. Within fifteen minutes, my bank closed my account and stopped my over-draft charges, and erased another $100 transaction that I didn’t recognize.

Here’s the moral, folks: the phrase should be changed from “It could happen to you,” because the truth is that “It WILL happen to you.” Something like this happens to all of us, be it fraud, or burglary, or stepping in dog feces. That’s a fundamental fact of life. The point is, when it does happen, what happens next?

Some people will feel as helpless as I did. Some will become enraged. Honestly, I came to laughter because it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was unfortunate, and it could have been worse, but if I treat everything like a life-and-death situation, I’ll never get out alive.

The next time you have a test, or an interview, or a flat tire, remember Kyle’s bank account, and start laughing. After all, they only got $30. I’ll bet the computer they used to rip me off cost them $3,000.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »

I’ve been watching a lot of TV

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 15, 2008

Am I the only one that has found three or four good shows to watch? Honestly, I thought I was done with TV when reality shows took over, Family Guy got really annoying, and South Park got political.

Now, I have three shows in one night. Of course, it’s one of the two nights that I’m at work, so a DVR turned out to be a good investment. Great idea, Adam.

Heroes- I fell out of love with this show last year, but now I actually have a great respect for most of the people involved. I’m pissed about how certain characters get the ax, but that’s to be expected in a show that is just like a comic (wherein I can’t stand certain famous deaths). Now if only they could get larger groups of characters on fewer plot arcs, then they will really have something.

Chuck- I just finished an episode of a show that I immediately deemed ‘way too dumb’ for my taste. The super-spy Chuck Bartowski has since become my hero. He always does the wrong things, but he always tries to do the right things. Good show, terrible time slot.

Sarah Conner Chronicles- I’m so glad that I tried this one from the beginning. The cast is great, the action is decent, and it makes for a good show to DVR. You can totally wait to see the next episode, but not forever. There need to be some changes to the show, however, if they really want to move forward with it.

Entourage- On HBO, anything goes. Including an entire episode devoted to everyone’s favorite movie star, his idiot friends, and his frightening agent eating magic mushrooms in the desert (to help them decide if they should do a Benji the Dog movie). Entourage took over from The Sopranos as the best show on HBO. Now, like a year later, it’s still the best on there despite the vampire porn called True Blood, the British Monty Python rip-off, and the Super-Psychotic Psychologist played by a crappy actor from the early nineties.

That was all I really had to say…right now…um…sorry if I ranted.

I’ll talk to everyone later. Bye.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

Staring into the great abyss…

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 13, 2008

…of work. I spent so much time doing busy-work for all of my classes today. And I’m not close to finished. I have a bunch of stuff for Shakespeare to do tonight (while editing for the paper), and I’ve got a stack of papers for Spanish that keeps piling up.

What feels worst is that I haven’t done any writing in several weeks. I just haven’t had time, and there’s no due-date on my own work…yet. I feel a little like Michael Corleone in “The Godfather,” how he planned on marrying Diane Keaton and abandoning his family’s criminal empire, but five or six bullets later he’s killing police officers, wandering the Sicilian countryside, marrying a different woman, getting punched out, getting blown up…and when he gets back to Diane Keaton, he’s a complete psycho who thinks only about HIS criminal empire.

Maybe my analogy doesn’t hold up. But I still feel like some unseen force is keeping me from my actual plans. I should probably get going on my Shakespeare work before everyone gets in here for the staff meeting.

If anyone feels like updating me on their crazy schedules and how they are annoyed by it, don’t be shy.

We all know I’m not.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »


Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 10, 2008

I feel like crap today. As stipulated in a previous post, if Adam gives me a cold I’m going to kill him.

I have a really bad cold. Grab your lynching rope and torches, people.

Anyway, I’m not doing much of anything. Sitting in the office, deciding that my homework can wait. Oh, crap! But I do have to do that one assignment that’s due this afternoon! Fiddlesticks!

I guess I had better do it. I’ll talk to all of you later.


Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

What’s the plural for ‘synopsis?’

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 8, 2008

Never mind, I went with ‘preview.’ Just reiterating what I posted last night.

If you want to read a short summary of the plot of some of the Martinak Fiction, go to the left sidebar. If you want to read the actual text, go to the top buttons and enter the special password.

If you don’t know the special password…tough nuggets, Jack. Maybe you should email me and ask for it.

I need to go home and eat some real food, and go to bed, perhaps. That would be good.

In the meantime, I hope someone leaves me some comments to come back to.

Sorry, I’m being needy again.

Bad Kyle.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »

So…Things look different, huh?

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 8, 2008

I changed the format on the site, because the other one was kinda gloomy, and I had trouble reading some of the text. I hope to maybe customize it a little more with some pictures and such, but not tonight.

Oh! Big change…instead of a different password for every story, I have one master password now for everything. It just makes it easier for all of you to access my stuff, while it still protects it from copy-and-paste pirates.

Another thing, I have archive buttons and categories on the left sidebar. If you want a plot synopsis, go to those new sidebar buttons. But if you want to read the full text, go up to the top buttons!

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

Some Updates and a Captain’s Log

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 8, 2008

Captain’s Log (yep, I was serious)

Stardate: Tuesday, October 7

I’m trapped on a strange planet where I’m expected to give a crap about the Presidential Debate tonight. Sorry to say, I don’t. I’ve never trusted a politician, and I never will. I shall never forgive them, for the death of my country.

Anyhoo, I had to do MATH today. It…sucked. I hate it. I have a bunch of homework tonight, and tomorrow is one of my suck days.

But, I am happy because a lot of my fiction is now up on the site. I know of at least three people that have read my blog, too. If all three people pay to buy my first novel…That’s like 70 cents in my pocket! That’s enough to buy a…oh, hell. I can’t buy a Coke, a stamp, a Hot Wheels car, or even a donut with that.

And I forgot, if I even get published, I have to give copies of the book for free to my girlfriend, my best friends, my brother, and my old high school friends. Dammit.

But three people have read my blog! Woot! Now if only they could tell two friends, and then their friends tell two friends, and those friends tell their uncles in the publishing business, and those uncles tell their agents, and those agents tell their assistants, and the assistants tell their spouses who are in a book club, and…

Oh, no. I’ve gone cross-eyed.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 2 Comments »

New Fiction on MartinakFiction!

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 7, 2008

So, yesterday I uploaded “In the Garage,” because the synopsis was up already. It’s available to read if anyone wants to. Just ask me for the password and it’s yours to enjoy (or condemn, depending on your taste in reading).

Moreover, I’m shooting to post some of my short stories and miscellaneous fiction tonight if I have time. I have several stories that are self-contained and small, and a few that are beginnings of what could be a novel, a screenplay, or even a series of comic books.

Please let me know if you want to read it. I’m getting lonely on this site…all by myself…

(Kyle’s singing voice…oh dear God) ALL BY MY-SELF!!! DON’T WANNA BEEEEE!!!! ALL BY MY-SELF!!!!

Anyway, if you read fiction at all, I need opinions. Even if it’s, “Get outta here, kid! You’ve got no future!” Unlike Marty McFly, I can take that kind of rejection.

Expect another update by the end of the night. I may get bored.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 2 Comments »

Finished with my edits, listening to Aerosmith!

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 5, 2008


It is so horribly stuck in my head now. Good song, though. Anyway, one thing I’d like to stress if anyone’s reading my updates and junk, comment on them. Give me some lovin’.

Don’t get me wrong, I love comments from my girlfriend…it means she really is a fan of my junk. But I talk to her every night. What mysterious audience do I have? ANSWER ME!!!!!

Whoa. Sorry. Kinda lost my cool, there. I’m better, though. But anyway, yeah, just a little comment letting me know that you agree with something, or disagree, that you like some chapter of my novel (or just that you want to read it, because I have few requests). Even a little thing telling me who you are and why you’re wasting time on a schlub like me.

Well, I have a mountain of spanish homework, so I better hit that…and get a shower, because it’s like 1:15 and I’m still wearing pajamas.

See ya. Don’t get run over.


Well, some of you need practical advice.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

I don’t feel so good…

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 4, 2008

If Adam gave me his cold, I’ll kill him. Now is not the time for a sickness. I need to be able to survive the next few weeks at least before I can get the one fall sickness that I always get.

I’m going to see my grandpa tonight. Should be fun. I haven’t done much today. I watched some movies and played some video games. I think tomorrow is work day. I’ll do some editing and homework. I want to focus on doing some writing on “Playlist,” since I haven’t in a few weeks. But I can’t really concentrate on it all that well.

I’ll probably be online again later at night. If anyone is bored enough, please stop by and read something.

Catch y’all on the flip side.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »

Priorities, Kyle! Dammit!

Posted by Kyle Martinak on October 1, 2008

I have a ton of homework from my classes that are daily. Spanish and Math 111 are very stressful, and I just don’t know how I’m going to get through them.

In the meantime, I’ve spent more time focusing on this blog site, the newspaper, and reading Stephen King than anything. Perhaps I should stop one or all three…that won’t happen, though.

I have to get to work on something. Probably Spanish, until a page prints and I need to edit again.

I’ll see you all later.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 2 Comments »

It’s been a long day, people.

Posted by Kyle Martinak on September 30, 2008

I think I get to go home soon. Maybe not at midnight, but no later than one, I bet. I’ve been sitting in the office without much to do. I could do some homework, but none of it is due tomorrow, and I want to be at home when I do most of my homework. I can’t concentrate here.

I just read some very unsettling passages from Stephen King’s “The Stand.” Namely, when a deadly virus is accidentally released from an army lab. The project leader goes down to the lab, where everyone was trapped and killed by the plague they created. A pile of bodies sit in front of the elevator (which can’t go back up). Two scientists survived long enough to have sex and then shoot themselves dead. An unfortunate soldier sits in the cafeteria, his face submerged in a bowl of soup for ten days. Another scientist sits on the floor with a sign around his neck and his eyes melted away. The sign reads, “NOW YOU KNOW IT WORKS. ANY QUESTIONS?

That freaked me out. Mainly, because I’ve been in a basement office for eight hours, and people keep sneezing. I had to go up to the surface for a few minutes.

Anyway, I’ll be back tomorrow. See ya!

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

Up and Running!

Posted by Kyle Martinak on September 30, 2008

My novel, “Playlist,” is officially on if anyone wants to read it. I also gave a final farewell to the intensely public, highly hazardous blogging system over at Myspace.

I hope people will want to read my novel. Rosely is the only person who has read it since it was a five-page short story called, “Mad World.”

In the meantime, I went and bought all my books for the term. It cost me $330. And I am very sad for giving all those funds away. I need to get to work here at the campus newspaper, so I’ll be back and uploading other pieces of my fiction sometime tomorrow…assuming that I ever wake up.

-End of Transmission-

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 2 Comments »

Sitting in my office, trying to create…

Posted by Kyle Martinak on September 29, 2008

As I write this, I’m already becoming my father. Lots of young men say that, but few truly mean it and are frightened by it. I’m sitting at a desk that is older than I am, and I’m pretending to be valuable to the company.

In reality, I’m pushing forward with an idea that has been in my head for many months now…creating a space on this vast wasteland (full of porn, dumb in-the-mirror pictures, and celebrity gossip) for myself. I feel like a pioneer carving out a new existence in a new frontier…except the frontier isn’t very new anymore, and I’m really just riding an exodus away from the over-formatted, over-populated cesspool of Myspace and Facebook.

Anyway, here on my homepage I’ll be giving regular updates on the fiction that I’m writing, and perhaps just a little day-to-day ‘life of Kyle’ update. Here on the homepage is my only real blog, as the other pages of this domain are devoted to my fiction writing. Those pages are all password protected (to prevent against concept and idea thieves, the worst kind of criminals), but simply email or comment a request, and you can read them to your heart’s content.

I have to go now, though, because my laptop just stopped working, and I need to check what’s going on with that. Ha, I should really get a raise for all this hard work I’m doing…

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

I’m thinking of something wild…

Posted by Kyle Martinak on January 3, 2009

After I finish the first draft of Playlist, I’m going to go back and re-organize the structure of the plot. Instead of starting the way it is right now, I’m going to start it in the middle of the book and work back to the beginning.

Maybe I shouldn’t give that away, but this is less of a broadcast and more of a journal in the public domain, right?


I figured. And I also figured that I’d end up talking to myself on here out of boredom and lonliness.

Hey! What’s that?!

It’s the wind!

Posted in Kyle's Blog | Leave a Comment »

Something I just saw on TV

Posted by Kyle Martinak on December 1, 2008

So, I’ve just been informed by Fox News that certain college campuses have their own scents…in the form of scented candles. If these candles were accurate representations of the campuses they are named for, they would smell like flat beer, marijuana, stale doritos, vomit, bad pizza, melted plastic from an Xbox, and flop-sweat. Instead, they probably smell like sage. Eugene does not smell like sage. Nothing smells like sage, actually. Not even sage itself.

I was also watching Family Guy and they ripped on Dane Cook. They also ripped on any college dipshit that watches Dane Cook on Youtube. As if people who watch Dane Cook are all simple-minded Myspace douche-bags, because Dane Cook is in fact, a douche-bag. My gripe with this: Family Guy is only funny to simple-minded Myspace douche-bags. Perhaps Seth McFarlane should not insult his only audience, which is primarily made of college dipshits, who watch it on Youtube…like me.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 2 Comments »

Kanye West, Twilight, and other things that piss me off today.

Posted by Kyle Martinak on November 25, 2008

I hate Kanye West. He struts around, doing interviews and actually saying that he is the most powerful black person in the media. Never mind Oprah, Will Smith, Spike Lee and Barack Obama! Kanye apparently invented being black and successful before turning thirty.

This little trout-sniffer believes that he invented being a rap mogul, as if Sean Combs and Dr. Dre were fictional characters. He needs to climb off his magic little carpet and realize that his music is passable (at best), his power is finite, and he is replaceable as resident douche-bag rapper on Myspace.

Furthermore, “Twilight” needs to die now, before it turns into something so mindless that it invades my headspace on a daily basis…like the election did. As if Harry Potter wasn’t already an annoyance with how much these mindless teenage consumers buy, and buy, and buy the merchandise and see the movie and wear the clothes. I don’t even care if Twilight is a terrific book series, or a marketing jackpot. It has no intellectual quality, and it makes Hot Topic richer and future generations dumber.

On top of all of that, I’m not graduating in four years, despite the fact that I’ve passed every class that I’ve taken, and all of them have fulfilled some requirement. That just pisses me off, royally. I’ve only taken fifteen credits per term for the last two years, but there’s no way I can take more than that and hold down a job.  I’m being penalized for trying to put myself through school (and failing, I might add).

Also, I was thinking about applying for a newspaper internship, but I’m just not confident in my level of experience. I don’t think I’ll get it, and even if I did, I would probably have to move to Astoria or Eastern Oregon for the summer, and I don’t have the energy for any of that crap. It isn’t worth it.

I don’t think newspapers are for me. I have too many crazy ideas and scathing opinions for a supposedly-unbiased profession. So, I guess I’ll be using my extra year at Western to come up with another possible career. I wonder how someone gets into writing fortune cookies…

Anyway, leave me a comment if you would please. I need a little self-assurance right now.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »

New project, election results, and Kevin Smith

Posted by Kyle Martinak on November 5, 2008

First of all, I’m trying to write “Zombie, Baby!” and I think I’m going to get it filmed at some point. Anyone want to collaborate on it (besides Rosely, who is kind enough to indulge me)? It’s a musical zombie story with old rock songs from the sixties, seventies, and eighties. Songs are from the survivors, the zombie hoard, the scientists that created the flesh-eaters, and finally from the last man on earth.

Well, beyond that, there are results for the damn election tonight. I really don’t care who wins. Either way, I’ll bet everything I own that I’ll wake up and still think the government is idiotic tomorrow.

Instead of worrying about Obama or McCain, I watched “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” which isn’t really a celebratory film for porn, but a celebratory film for film-making. I was really inspired by Seth Rogen’s character, Zack, and how he goes from a sub-par barista to an invigorated film-maker with a purpose. It was also just a damn funny flick.

That’s all I got for now. Cheers, people.

Posted in Kyle's Blog | 1 Comment »