Contemporary Clichés

Fiction by K.R. Martinak

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Archive for July, 2009

Fat Dude Vs. Food, Week 3

Posted by Kyle Martinak on July 17, 2009

It took me a few days to get around to this week’s post. To my half-dozen loyal readers, I apologize about that.

Some backsliding this week. I had fast food, and I had sweets. I did have less of them, however. I’m just getting tired of the usual foods. Variety is the spice of life, especially with foods.

I really miss Italian pastas and sauces. I also really miss soda. It’s my biggest vice, and I used to drink a whole lot of it.

On the exercise front, I walk when I feel like it, which is more than I used to. Chris Pranger visited the other night, and we walked a good distance. Made me feel better about the sandwich i ate.

Going to Hillsboro tonight, and I hope I can keep a lid on myself while I’m there. I also have to weigh myself while I’m there. I don’t own a scale, and I can’t go back to the pharmacy and use theirs.

Anyway, that’s what happened this week. I’ll be back to whine about being hungry next week.

My name is Kyle, and the whole time I wrote this, I wish I had some chicken chow mein.

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Fat Dude Vs. Food, Week 2

Posted by Kyle Martinak on July 9, 2009

Here I am! I’m still doing my best, and it’s slow going.

I checked my weight for the first time since my plan. I’ve only lost five pounds, but at least I’m below the dreaded 300 mark. As a plus, my blood-pressure falls under a “normal for adults” heading, and I don’t feel too bad about it.

On a darker note, I lost my head the other night. I secreted off to the Circle K and grabbed a shit-ton of chocolate bars. I ate every one of them in one sitting. I felt like a real dumbass. I’m better today, but it was hard. I don’t know why I did it, but now I can say I’ve had an unplanned relapse.

The need for gratification is overwhelming. And my brother, God love him, can be a devil on my shoulder. I’ve found a way to deal with that, however. Tonight, we broke down and went to MacDonald’s for dinner. Adam had everything I ever wanted to die from eating: cheeseburger, fries, those tasty little snack-wraps, and a sugared beverage. I bought an overpriced salad, and drank water. As soon as I finish this post, we’re going to get something sweet. He’ll be getting something I crave…I’ll be getting something overpriced and sugar-free.

This is my life for now. And I have to say, I’m sick of it already. To make matters worse, I randomly read up on the military weight requirements today (don’t worry, I’m not qualified and I don’t want to sign up). I would have to be 176 pounds just to sign up. I’d need to lose a whole person’s weight just to go to basic and loose 40 pounds more.

Such is life, as my best buddy Chris would say. Welcome to the suck, as my brother has already said.

My name is Kyle, and the whole time I wrote this, I really wanted an Angus Three-Pounder with swiss cheese and mushrooms, from my estranged friend, Ronald.

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Fat Dude Vs. Food, Week 1

Posted by Kyle Martinak on July 2, 2009

First off, thanks to those of you who left me comments. I get bummed when no one is reading my fiction, let alone my “fat diary,” as I’ve taken to calling it.

So, some updates:

About five seconds after I posted “The Plan,” Mother Nature took a shit on me. Some people love the 90 degree weather, and I don’t. I get a sunburn under a lightbulb, and I sweat while peeling an orange. But I tried to adhere to the plan despite it.

Rosely and I had our anniversary weekend, which was great. And I managed to eat a lot, and exercise a little bit. I know she’s reading this, and I’m sorry honey, but you bring out the scarfing pig in me. I’m working on it.

Once I got back, I dove into my plan head-on. I had a pretty hellish day where I didn’t eat anything until six or seven in the evening. That wasn’t planned, but it was stupid. Since then I’ve been trying to eat in the morning, and I like the results…I’m not as hungry in the afternoon. I’ve gone through a few pots of white rice, and today I’m switching to brown. Adam even helped me out by shopping for healthy stuff last night. He also let me have some of his pizza…but only two slices for dinner! Usually I eat half of the damn thing.

As for exercise, I’ve been walking to the video store a bit, and the other day I walked downtown to my favorite bookstore and back. It’s pretty far for a fatty like me. Several miles round-trip. Rosely fed me a big old lunch for our anniversary, but then we went for a vigorous walk down the beach in Cannon Beach. We also went for a swim in her apartment complex’s pool. I didn’t feel too bad about my gut being exposed, because the token supervising adult at the pool (he may have been a life guard, a maintenance guy, or a pool cleaner, or someone’s mentally challenged brother) was a pretty big guy. And he was spending an awful lot of time around the pool, with a shirt on.

Anyway, I’ve cheated, but I planned to. I found what makes me comfortable…I cheat with pizza, or eggs or something, but only in moderation, and certainly NO SUGAR. I haven’t had sugar since Monday. That may not sound like an accomplishment, but it is for a guy like me. Especially considering we have a bottle of chocolate syrup in the fridge. You’ll never know how many times I wanted to upend that bottle and drink that stuff straight. Okay, that sounded gross, but I’m being truthful.

So, now I have a whole new problem coming up: a holiday weekend. I can’t over-eat,even though it’s a family pastime. Oh well. We’re going to a Chinese buffet…there must be steamed rice and vegetables there…but there are also fried stuff! DUN DUN DUNNNN! Wish me luck, everybody!

Hello, my name is Kyle. And the whole time that I wrote this, I wish I was eating a whole box of Coco Puffs.

P.S. Thanks for all the tips, I’ve been trying them. And Sugar-Free pudding tastes great! I just can’t have more than one!

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